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Tuesday, September 20, 2005


Have u ever hated yourself? I have. I have had those moments when I thought" Shaun, you are completely rotten to the very core". We have all seen the darkness of our soul. On our own by human nature we are selfish, we make use of other people and things for our own good, we are inconsiderate and cruel.

In the song "Who I Am Hates Who I've Been," Relient K sings about this revelation. They sing about how sad they are when they look at the darkness in their own hearts. I've felt that and i have had those moments when I just wanted to erase myself. That the whole world would have been better off if I had never existed. I have even prayed, Lord, can't you just erase me. Erase me from people's memories, erase the things I said, the things I did. But God's way is not an eraser, it is forgiveness.

"For You, Lord, are good, and ready to forgive,And abundant in lovingkindness to all who call upon You" (Psalm 86:5, NASB).

God's way is to forgive u and to help u forgive yourself. He has more than enough mercy to cover any sin, and that mercy can heal ur heart as well.

We all have those moments we regret - things we've done or that have been done to us that we think we can never get over or make right. But the good news is that this is what the Savior is for. He can help us go forward. He gives us a future and a hope for a better tomorrow.

I have spent many long dark nights hating myself, don't do the same. Turn to Jesus. Let His love for u give u a new perspective on who u really are. u are someone deeply loved by the Creator of all things. u need Him, just like I do. Put the past where it belongs, in the past. It is OK to hate who u have been, just don't let that hate hold u down from becoming who u can be in Christ.

"Who I Am Hates Who I've Been" by Reliant K

I watched the proverbial sunrise
coming up over the Pacific and
you might think I'm losing my mind,
but I will shy away from the specifics...

'cause I don't want you to know where I am
'cause then you'll see my heart
in the saddest state it's ever been.

This is no place to try and live my life.

Stop right there. That's exactly where I lost it.
See that line. Well I never should have crossed it.
Stop right there. Well I never should have said
that it's the very moment that
I wish that I could take back.

I'm sorry for the person I became.
I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change.
I'm ready to try and never become that way again
'cause who I am hates who I've been.
Who I am hates who I've been.

I talk to absolutely no one.
Couldn't keep to myself enough.
And the things bottled inside have finally begun
to create so much pressure that I’ll soon blow up.

I heard the reverberating footsteps
sinking up to the beating of my heart,
and I was positive that unless I got myself together,
I would watch me fall apart.

And I can’t let that happen again
‘cause then you’ll see my heart
in the saddest state it’s ever been.

This is no place to try and live my life.

Who I am hates who I've been
and who I am won’t take the second chance you gave me.
Who I am hates who I’ve been
‘cause who I’ve been only ever made me...

So sorry for the person I became.
So sorry that it took so long for me to change.
I’m ready to try and never become that way again
‘cause who I am hates who I’ve been.
Who I am hates who I’ve been.

deposited into the box@5:38 PM

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